So it's been a few days since my last post, and seeing how even a few hours away from my refreshing voice seems to cause catastrophic damage to the community, I felt I should see the new year out with a bang.
Well, wait, not a bang. That's not a good simile. Metaphor. Onomotopeapod. After all, what prompted me to this week's edition of Roasted Nuts was, actually, fireworks.
My family was supposed to have gone to Disney World this week, a trip that had to be rescheduled at the last minute. And shortly before canceling the trip I was reviewing the TSA 3 ounce fluid protocol with the "exception" for baby formula and milk. I managed to fixate on the TSA's failure to comprehend the humor in stating the following: "Mothers are now permitted to bring breast milk in quantities greater than 3 ounces as long as it's declared for inspection at the security checkpoint." (http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/children/formula.shtm).
As I was musing over the specifics of enforcement procedures and suspect profiling, I realized that because of the Christmas events this past week, practically every carry-on policy will be changing soon. And I had more important things to think about. Like what the heck to call this guy who tried to bring down the NWA flight on christmas day. The best I've heard to date, thanks to Rachel Maddow, was the 'Christmas Underwear Bomber'. Others now refer to him as the "Christmas Bomber", but I prefer going in the other direction. How about, the "Undabomber"? (The Tidy-Whitey-Terrorist? The Fruit of the Loom Fuse-Lighter? the BVD Bomber?**) But as catchy as that sounds, I'm not sure it'll pick up. And it's disappointing, too. But people have already diverted their attention from catchy names for terrorists to playing the "Republican Double Standard" game. You know, like when President Bush says "Heck of a job, Brownie", it's good; but Janet Napolitano's comment about post-attempt response, "the system worked", isn't. Tom Ridge chastised the President for potentially considering giving criminal rights to the Undabomber, But no one in the Bush administration had qualms about their successful criminal prosecution of the Shoe Bomber, Richard Reid. The criminal system worked for Bush to try Reid, but not for Obama to try the Undabomber? (How about Wedgie Warrior?) It's hypocrisy, pure and simple. The sad fact is that things are going to get tighter at airports again, and body scans are going to become commonplace. Invasion or not, if that's all that works, that's all that works. What won't work is restricting bathroom or overhead access during the last hour of a flight, as has been suggested. Major League Baseball stopped selling beers after the 7th inning, but people still get drunk. Once someone's in the plane, that's the end of it. It needs to be stopped on the ground. And technology is one way to do it. Sharing terrorist information appropriately seems to be another, which the CIA, FBI and Dept of Homeland Security apparently must ponder again.
Unfortunately, it's proof that people like the Undabomber still exist. Damn. You know, Undabomber..I just don't know if it works. It sounds ok to say, but not on print. Where did our good terrorist nicknames go? I mean, the media is great at stoking the fires of paranoia. Great american criminals deserve great american nicknames. It's a proud heritage. In the last decade alone we've got the Shoe Bomber, the American Taliban, Unabomber, 'Scarface' Al Capone, 'Bugsy' Siegel,
How about the Nigerian Nincompoop?
Let's see what else is happening in the world. Hmm., it just came out today that AT&T dropped Tiger Woods. Why should he be any different? From what I understand, AT&T drops thousands of iPhone users every day.
Here's a funny one: the possibility of cable TV free without Fox! Don't get me wrong, I think Time Warner could be a little better on the rates, but does Fox really think it will win this scenario? TWC could shut out Fox and its affiliates and leave them scrambling to replace viewers. TWC doesn't need to pay an extra $1 per subscriber to have them on the air, and I don't personally feel like paying $1 to save Fox from its subscription service demise. Am I willing to risk the loss of NFL? Could TWC be shooting itself in the foot by saying "buh bye" to viewers? Yes to both. But guess what--except for that $50 box I had to buy earlier this year, I have a TV, and it's free. And I still have TWC RoadRunner, which means I can still download or stream all the programs I want. In the meantime, all will be restored to its righteous place in the universe, and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will ascend their thrones as the righteous heirs of cable news commentary.
Merry New Year!